Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
