Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
