Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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