batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
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