its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
