don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
