yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
