Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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