I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
