If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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