haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
