he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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