I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
