It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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