Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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