MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
