glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
