I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
