who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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