I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
