why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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