I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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