My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm at about main and main street
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize