covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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