Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
