This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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