So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
