I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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