Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
