Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
