im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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