I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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