he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Your penis caused this!
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