so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
