So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
