in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
