now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
