I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Pooping to opera.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
