K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
