are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
