Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
