i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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