Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
