I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
