we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
