I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
