11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
