I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
