The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
