summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
