remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
