listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
