It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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