Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
