so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she peed on how many people?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
